


Gateway to a Soul

by boneswrites



Series: Gateway [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 02:49:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6686152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneswrites/pseuds/boneswrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts with Jim waking up Leonard in an unusual, yet welcomed way and things get heated. In the aftermath, and through a touch on skin, they are both led to reflect on their choice of lifestyle, which brings back painful memories, particularly for Jim; memories of a time when he nearly lost his man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gateway to a Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I think I must have dreamt this because I woke up with the inspiration? Everything fell into place while I was thinking about it so I got to work, and I’m pretty satisfied with the end result. Gets heated and messy and then angsty and fluffy. Who says you can’t have it all? I hope you enjoy this and feedback is always greatly appreciated!

Having their feet on solid ground definitely has its perks, Jim thought, watching Leonard’s chest rise and fall with each breath. Especially since they were granted a bigger apartment and accordingly, a bigger bed, which they can do plenty in. It was still early, not even passed eight, Jim suspected but he hadn’t bothered to check the time really. From the moment his eyes flew open, they’ve been glued to the man sleeping soundly next to him. Jim didn’t care for the time, either, as far as he’s concerned any second spent with his best friend and the love of his life is a win in his book. There haven’t been as many wins in the past few days as he would like. But, as he would so confidently say, he can fix that.

A small smile cracked on his face when he noticed Leonard’s eyes rolling under his closed shields, and Jim knew what it meant; Leonard was dreaming, and by the absent worry lines that usual sat on the doctor’s forehead, it was most probably a pleasant dream. That began to encourage Jim.

Already having each other’s bodies memorized, it didn’t take Jim a second for his fingers to find what he was looking for. His eyes remained on Leonard’s face as he brushed the tip of his finger against the scar tissue on Leonard’s abdomen. The size of the healed wound never changed, yet it felt different every time Jim would touch it. Sometimes it felt smaller, other times bigger, and Jim always had to swallow around the lump in his throat when his mind goes back to that horrific day. Leonard’s body is beautiful, his skin creamy and soft, his muscles tight and pronounced, not to mention his magical hands and legendary fingers. And then there’s that, the one spot that’s rough and dark and irregular and not _Leonard_. And it was Jim’s fault. Or at least that’s what he believes. There had been too much damage for the regenerator to fix, M’Benga told him and proceeded to stitch it the old fashioned way. It was a close call, too close for anyone’s liking.

Leonard didn’t budge under Jim’s touch, the act of those fingers on that particular area had become sort of a habit that Leonard had grown accustomed to and his mind stopped registering it during his sleep. It wasn’t until Jim’s fingers were replaced with his lips, softly touching them to the aged wound, his hand climbing up Leonard’s bare chest to rest on his collarbone that the older man sucked in a deep breath and turned his head in Jim’s direction. Because that on his skin was most definitely not fingers, it was nothing other than the very talented mouth of James Tiberius Kirk.

“’im?” Leonard murmured, clearly still induced in his sleep.

Jim hummed against Leonard’s skin, the vibrations going straight to all the right places, Leonard involuntarily jolting under Jim’s electric touch.

Jim smiled against Leonard, knowing very well he was getting his way and succeeding. Leonard woke him up countless time by far more aggressive techniques, not that Jim minded, but he just returning the favor really. If anything, it was through kisses and touches, gently coaxing him awake, not yanking Leonard’s boxers down and literally stroking him out of his sleep as someone has done on multiple occasions.

Eyes still shut, Leonard managed to find Jim’s hair and weave his fingers into the short blond locks, slightly pulling and making Jim’s mouth fiercer in its assault.

“I can’t even open my eyes,” Leonard huffed.

Jim slid up Leonard’s body, sucking and scraping at his neck, moving to straddle him in the process.

Jim leaned down, his lips near Leonard’s ear and in a low voice whispered, “you don’t need your eyes, just your senses.”

“Someone’s eager,” Leonard chuckled, his voice hoarse and dry from sleep. He managed to push his head sideways, granting Jim more access.

Jim responded by wetly licking down Leonard’s chest and taking a dense nipple into his mouth, repeatedly flicking his tongue over it and oh so agonizingly steady, began grinding himself against Leonard’s already half-hard cock under him.

“Fuck,” Leonard groaned, tensing at Jim’s movements.

Feeling the muscle turn heavy, Jim’s mouth popped off, taking Leonard’s face into both his hands, and pressed his forehead to Leonard’s.

“Don’t hold in, Bones,” he whispered. “Let me take care of you, I promise, let go. I’ve got you.”

Leonard squeezed his eyes and nodded, moving up to capture Jim’s mouth in a messy, much needed kiss.

Jim continued, his breath heavy and hot on Leonard’s face as he ran his thumbs over the man’s stubbly cheeks. “That’s it,” Jim encouraged, dropping feathery kisses to Leonard’s neck and jaw.

These moments were rare, the moments where Leonard would let go and allow Jim to take over his body, make him feel good, and crumble him and put him back together again. It’s not that Leonard didn’t want anything in return, but more times than not, Jim would be his primary focus, it would be all about the kid and he would take care of himself later. As much as Jim loved that and melted into it, he kept his eye out for moments like these, where he would take over for a change, where he would repay the man currently withering below him. It also boosted his self-confidence, if you could say that, hearing Leonard coming undone and knowing he caused it, he was behind it, and he would even the scales.

Nothing was set in stone between them, regarding sex, it all depended on their moods. Sometimes, after they’ve both had a long, tiring day, they’d both want it quick and rough, tearing each other’s clothes off because too many layers, not enough time. While other moments, they’d take their sweet, sweet time, driving each other over the cliff but it would be worth it. It would always be worth it.

Yet moments like these were still rare. And Jim would be damned if he didn’t take charge of each and every single one of them they stumble on.

Leonard tried pushing a hand between their pinned flesh but was abruptly stopped by Jim, much to his displeasure.

“Jim, _fuck_ ,” Leonard wheezed.

“What, Bones? Tell me what you want.”

“Off,” Leonard growled.

Jim knew what that meant, and it didn’t mean him. He complied, tugging down Leonard’s underwear and then his own, letting them fall together in a forgotten heap on the floor.

Jim was usually the one more vocal during these moments, and Leonard would do anything to shut him the hell up but the moment Jim took both their throbbing lengths into his hand, boy were the roles reversed.

“Oh fuck, damn it, shit,” Leonard heaved.

“Open your eyes, Bones,” Jim demanded. “Look at me, look at us.”

Leonard pushed his eyes open, his pupils blown wide with need and ecstasy, Jim peering into his soul. Jim almost came right then just from the way Leonard looked.

“That’s it, good isn’t it?” Jim panted, a small chuckle escaping his parted lips.

“Can’t—hold on—Jim.”

“Not yet, Bones, not yet,” Jim shook his head and put his hand to action, massaging them together in his grip and mixing their leaking pre-come together.

Leonard gasped, his mouth wide open and beads of sweat trickling down the side of his face.

Jim took the opportunity and captured Leonard’s bottom lip between his teeth, running his tongue over it and felt Leonard pull at his hair. He knew he was doing nothing but sending Leonard over even quicker.

Leonard settled his hands on Jim’s waist and despite how hot he was, a shiver jolted through Jim’s spine as he picked up his pace.

Leonard’s stomach tightened and he ached for release, knowing very well it would kill him either way.

“Jim, I can’t—” Leonard hissed.

Almost at the edge himself, Jim nodded. “Yeah, Bones, okay, come for me.”

He didn’t need to be told twice as he completely let go, his world flashing white before his eyes and the hot spurts landing on his chest, still in Jim’s solid grasp, that name strained on his lips.

Jim followed while Leonard was still riding out his climax, bending over and burying his face in Leonard’s neck as his blissfulness hit him hard, momentarily tearing him away from reality.

When he came to, Jim realized that it has been a while, finding himself engulfed by Leonard’s strong arms, his respiration already regulated.

“Oh my God,” Jim breathed.

“Damn, kid.”

“Yeah,” Jim smirked.

“You can’t say two words, can you?”

“Nah, think I orgasmed my brain out,” Jim slurred, falling sideways, off of Leonard.

“Yeah.”

Jim cushioned his face on Leonard’s shoulder, a layer of sweat mingled with their shared fluids.

“Want some breakfast?”

“Can you even walk right now?”

“I have no idea but for you, I shall persevere,” Jim nodded.

“Persevere, my ass,” Leonard huffed. “Yeah, sure, why the hell not.”

Jim kissed Leonard’s cheek and threw on clean boxer briefs, grabbed a wet towel, cleaning up the mess on the older man’s chest before trotting into the kitchen to make his famous blueberry pancakes.

Leonard was snoring faintly when Jim walked back into their room, holding a tray carrying the food and Leonard’s coffee. Jim smiled, placing the tray on the desk and skillfully, without disrupting his sleep, climbed back into bed next to Leonard. He found Leonard’s arm immediately around his middle, pulling him backwards into his chest. He closed his eyes and fell asleep in the warmth and safety of Leonard McCoy.

Leonard didn’t feel his eyes slip shut, last thing he remembered was the sensation of the hot towel moving against his skin and Jim shuffling out of the room. It wasn’t as bright as it was, he realized when he came to it, his body sprawled on the bed, the space beside him empty and cold. His head snapped upwards, scanning the room until it landed on Jim, sitting in one of the chairs near the corner, hunched over his PADD and his glasses balancing on his nose. Leonard loved seeing Jim like that.

“Hey.”

Jim looked up, his face breaking into a smile at Leonard’s state, his hair sticking up in all directions, his eyes so pure and clear and not to mention, also very naked. “Hey, yourself,” he switched off the PADD and took off his glasses, making his way to the jumbled bed.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” Leonard apologized.

“It’s fine, you needed it. The hospital has been running you ragged,” Jim tangled himself around Leonard’s body, pushing his knee between Leonard’s legs.

“Crime season.”

“Is that a thing?” Jim’s nose wrinkled up.

Leonard shrugged. “Looks like it.”

“Well, they’re lucky to have a great doctor like you around then.”

“Have I mentioned how much I love those glasses on you?”

“I don’t know, just about every time I wear them.”

“Don’t be a moron.”

“I thought that’s why you love me, because of my moronality,” Jim teased.

“ _Moronality_? Don’t make up words, you’re not good at it,” Leonard grumbled, his hands going up and down Jim’s back.

“But you do love me.”

“God help me, I do.”

Jim sighed, and began tracing his finger along Leonard’s front, a gesture he did when he was nervous or thinking deeply about something, Leonard has come to notice.

“What’s up?”

“They got their second five-year mission,” Jim said. “I was reading about it on my PADD. Said Spock is a great captain.”

“I’m sure he is,” Leonard nodded.

“I know, I know, I just—you think they’ve forgotten about me?”

“What? No, Jim, of course not. This is how it happens, captains leave and their first officers take over, but no one forgets the captain before that.”

Jim nodded.

“You miss it,” Leonard observed. “More than you’re willing to admit.”

“I do miss it,” Jim admitted.

“You know we can always go back—”

“No,” Jim interrupted. “I don’t wanna go back. Besides, there’s no way they’ll give me the Enterprise again.”

“Spock would step down in an instant if he’d knew you’d want to be captain again.”

“Lucky for him, I don’t. He can keep it,” Jim said bitterly. “I meant what I said, I’m done,” his eyes fell back on the scar he knew all too well.

Leonard followed Jim’s line of sight and sighed heavily. “It was just an accident, Jim.”

“It wasn’t an accident, it was planned, they were waiting for us. And I didn’t see it, I didn’t anticipate it.”

“Oh come on, don’t do that, don’t go all blaming yourself for what happened. You couldn’t have known, Jim. And it doesn’t change anything.”

“Fuck’s sake, Bones,” Jim huffed, moving to sit up. “I have to blame myself. You were there because of me, because I asked. Because I wanted you there to help pass the time, to _pass the time_ and instead, you almost died. Instead, I almost lost you.”

“But you didn’t,” Leonard was now sitting up, facing Jim. “Missions go wrong all the time, you know that better than anyone. They played us, _us_ , not just you. And they paid for it. And I am right here, damn it.”

“What kind of captain goes around, endangering the lives of his crew day in and day out?” Jim choked.

“I don’t know, but that captain isn’t you. You were a great captain, Jim, and you still could be. It’s been years, why can’t you move on?”

“Because every time I think of space, I’m back there, on that godforsaken planet, holding you in my arms and feeling your breaths getting shorter and your heart slowing with each passing second. I can still feel your blood on my hands, sticky and warm and there was so much blood everywhere and no one was coming. Your eyes were cloudy and I knew you weren’t really seeing anything but you found my eyes and you said that you love me and then closed your eyes. I said I love you too but I didn’t know if you heard me,” Jim closed his eyes, sending a tear rolling down his cheek.

Leonard swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry and reached out, covering Jim’s hand with his own.

“We were in Med Bay, after your surgery and M’Benga was telling me how bad it was, and it was bad,” Jim continued, his eyes still closed. “Whatever it was they hit you with fragmented when it pierced you, causing extensive damage and internal bleeding. The bullet, if you can call it that, was laced with poison that made it’s way into your bloodstream and there was no telling how bad it would get. Ben managed to create an antidote based on a blood sample he took from you and isolated the poison but we didn’t know if he had gotten there in time. All we could do was wait for anything to happen. I never left your side, not for one moment, and I guess that’s when I had given up my stripes. I declared myself unfit for duty and gave the ship over to Spock. I remember your skin was cold and clammy and I just…I can’t let that happen again. I won’t.”

“Oh darlin’,” Leonard blew out. He gazed as Jim opened his eyes, the striking blue so bright and vibrant it nearly stopped his heart. He cupped the side of Jim’s face, wiping at the tears staining his skin, and felt his own vision going blurry with tears.

“Nothing in life is certain, I know, but I prefer our odds down here than up there.”

“Don’t get me wrong, my blood pressure has been stable for as long as I can remember since we relocated and you know how much that means, but I just don’t want you doing something you might regret,” Leonard reasoned.

“I don’t regret anything,” Jim shook his head. “As long as you’re here,” he extended his hand, settling his palm against Leonard’s heart, feeling it thud against his touch.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Leonard promised, closing the distance between them with a kiss. “Come here,” he pulled Jim down with him back on the bed, holding the younger man closer.

“Can we have the breakfast for dinner?” Jim suggested.

“Yeah, we can,” Leonard chuckled. “We can do whatever you want, darlin’.”

“Like watching something ancient?”

“That too.”

“I have a lecture to teach in the morning,” Jim groaned, rubbing his hand over his face.

“And I have an early hospital shift, we’ll be home around the same time.”

“That’s good,” Jim nodded.

Leonard brushed his lips against his forehead and kept them there, opening his personal gateway into Jim’s soul.


End file.
